I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
