I will die if light touches me.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
