ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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