I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
