the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
