is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
