I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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