Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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