Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
