Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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