The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Boobs are out for the taking
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
