Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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