Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
