What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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