pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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