just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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