census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
