Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
