That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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