The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
