So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
