to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
