I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
