I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
