every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
