I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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