How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
