I puked a lego.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
