Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
