I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
