I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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