Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Still dying that you shit outside
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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