Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize