hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
