the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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