Ambien. No doubt about it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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