If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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