eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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