My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
