Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
