i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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