drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
