It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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