Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
