So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
