if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
