somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
