yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
