Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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