I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
