I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he fucked my hip out of place.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize