I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
