So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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