i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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