Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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