I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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