mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
where am i from again
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
