We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
