Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
try to milk me bitch
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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