did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
