The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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