I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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